Hello sun! You are really making my joints hurt like hell but since you are here we may as well try to enjoy you. And today that means getting out in the fresh air and seeing something old (other than my parents of course).
We went to Easby Abbey near Richmond which is beautiful and peaceful, filled with birds nesting in its nooks and crannies and mosses and flowers growing on its ancient stones. Dad managed to cross another abbey off his list that he wants to visit this year and me and mum came away with a lovely sense of calm and happiness from wandering amongst the ruins while he snapped his photos.
Lunch was had at the ruin of another abbey in Richmond – friary tower and gardens. The gardens are absolutely stunning but by that point I could do little more than sit and stare from a shady spot as my legs were letting me know It was medication time. I hate that – the high flying enjoyment of a nice place being suddenly brought back to earth by pain and the limits of my spoonie body. It is what it is though and today, at least, the depression of reality didn’t swallow me whole.
Depression and anxiety, especially anxiety, have been constantly at the forefront of my feelings in the past week. As more things open I want to go places; some part of me is longing for a Nando’s, a trip to the cinema, to go play warhammer with Michael at Battle Bunker. But I’m stopped by a massive wall, indeed a gigantic battlement, of anxiety over the outside world. Take today – I knew not many people would be around but I was still anxious and looking around me, when people got close on a pavement I freaked out and froze stiff, and relaxing takes longer in a new environment like today than it used to no matter how peaceful the place is.
Lindsay is much the same and we decided enough was enough and we needed to start the process of battling against this battlement. And so the siege begins – we went to Starbucks! Armed with iPads, bullet journals and lanyard/mask we set off to get there early when we hoped the place would be empty. We chose the one at Thinford which we thought got little foot traffic inside and turns out we were right about the quiet nature. I was so nervous I was shaking but slowly we relaxed and started to enjoy ourselves, getting engrossed in our journals and paying not as much mind to the people around us. Every time someone came on I got a bit of a flutter of anxiety, new troops for the fight, but I managed to stay calm and in my seat. We actually got carried away and spent longer there than planned, poor michael. The key thing is that we did it. We won the battle and we can win the war, it will just take time to get back to where I was before. Probably a long time but I’ve got plenty of support around me to help. Next step is that game of 40k. I’m hoping getting distracted by the game will greatly help. Hopefully.
Let’s face it, you read this for the cat updates – Lord Barrington esquire jumped up on the sofa next to me and purred very very loudly! He joined me for my daily meditation and I knew it was him from the way he landed but then the purr! So I opened my eyes and just sat there staring at him, blinking slowly to show I loved him, spending a lovely moment with him. Douggie has been a bit skittish the past few days and he’s shedding fur like crazy. We really need a reusable lint roller haha. He’s also been playing more, I’m going to get the worm on a stick out later and see what he thinks. The latest cat proofing is proving successful and Bonnie hates it, and Jenny is just, well, Jennying. She’s always the same just happy to be around and getting love when she wants, sleeping a lot and maybe batting a toy once a week. Then there’s Gandalf. He luckily hasn’t chewed anything new and has been rather sweet this week. I can tell he’s really hot because he keeps pancaking himself out to get cool bless him. Must get a piece of tile for his cage.
Well, here’s mum and dad now. I should probably put the kettle on to revive them. Why is it hot drinks are meant to make you cooler? I’ve always found that just plain weird…
Well I’m clever. I just realised I didn’t post this yesterday. Sometimes I swear I’ve got as many brain cells as Bonnie, which is approximately one. I’ll post now.
Mood – optimistic for once, in pain as usual
Beverage Last Consumed – peach and raspberry squash
Food Last Eaten – picnic of a cheese and pickle sandwich and an orange.
Show Last Watched – dad has some car program on. They buy and sell cars or something. Anyway the car they bought is naff and needs a bunch of work and that’s the point of the program I think.
Song Last Played – rainbow by Kesha is playing on my head today
Game Last Played – apples to apples
Hobby Last Done – historying lol
Place Last Visited – easby abbey
Current Reading – the book of tomorrow by cecelia ahern (I’m really getting through it. Good going for me for once)
#PaintSlam’21 – riff and faff and the hugglers from stuffed fables are complete. Currently in the table is a part built ork Mek gun (model count 36/52, ork pointz 555/1000)
Tea of the moment – cherry bakewell from B&b
Recipe of the week – Greek chicken wings. So herby and great with pitta, humous and a salad.